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Blot on the Glass pane

The white walls of the empty house echoed back her whoops of excitement as she finally understood the contents of the email she’d just read. The insecurities that had frozen any hopes of her working towards realising her dreams and living as she pleased melted away, leaving only rekindled hope. Sheer exhilaration coursed through her veins, making her voice go places it had never dared to before - basking in the warmth of the morning sun, she was no longer human; lighter than Helium, she’d transcended to heaven beyond mortal imagination. This bird was taking little steps to fly.

She looked out the glass panes. They used to have a balcony but like many others, removed it to expand the room, leaving a glass partition in place of the balcony railing. Looking at the world from 13 floors above, she calmed down a bit, coming back to earth. Sunrays glinted off the windows of other buildings, playing games unknown on the wooden floor as she watched, deep in blissful thought. All her past failures, sorrows and worries were no longer there, she was starting a new life, a clean life, an improved life. The infinite blue of the skies reflected in her eyes as she realised she now had an inkling of what the future could look like. But her vision suddenly came across a blot in the perfect scene - the glass panes were dirty.

The past few weeks had been forgotten in an instance when she saw the email, but now it all came back to her, how she’d spent those days, living and reliving all the injustices in her life in a corner, staring out into nowhere, sobbing uncontrollably as if to eliminate traces of all that had gone by. That stain on the glass pane, that big dirty stain across the glass pane that reminded her of all her torment was ruining her view now. She tore her eyes away and hastened to get the spray and cloth she saw her dad clean the glass with and set straight to work, spraying and wiping and spraying and wiping.

Life had been unkind to her. Almost everyone she’d trusted had turned out to be a traitor, running away when she needed them the most. But instead of trying to be wary about putting her trust in people, she’d gotten used to being broken, left behind in pieces, again and again, letting shards of herself wound her soul. And now, she’d gotten a chance to reclaim her lost days, but this black pit in her soul, this blot on the glass pane was holding her back from doing so.

Tears blurred her eyes as she wiped the glass harder. She had to get rid of it no matter what, else she’d keep losing herself in this void of memories. Her parents were about to get home. They couldn’t see her like this, letting go of whatever sanity she’d managed to get back in the past few days. The cloth moved across the glass arrhythmically as her attempts to clear the stain grew vigorous. There was only one more spot left, just a bit more, she thought, as her body started responding to her emotions.

And it was gone. The final trace of all her days spent in pain. Gone. She broke down, overwhelmed. Sobs racked her body, reaching into every single corner of herself, dragging the pain out. She rested against the glass pane, bringing her hands to her face - she couldn’t do this anymore, her head was going to burst open, fighting itself with itself, not allowing her any mercy. No one had shouted at her with the intensity that she did in her mind, blaming herself for all that had happened, telling her she was a victim of nobody but herself.

The glass pane broke.

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