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Dear Diary

Updated: Sep 8, 2021

It isn't always easy . Being this young and being depressed is...hard. There I said it. No, I

haven't gotten it confirmed from a psychologist yet, and I probably won't, because I'm too scared. It doesn't feel right to write about this. I feel like an imposter, like the feelings I keep having are only because I want to feel like I'm in trend by talking about my mental health issues. A lot of what I think , has been said and it sounds cliché in my head too but this is my safe space ..right? Anyways, no one believes you're suffering and they all say it's just a "phase". You try to tell yourself that too but it just doesn't sound like the truth. You know you're hurting inside but you put on a mask of glee and joy and go about your day. The counsellor advises you to try meditating and journaling but the demons come out when you try to follow the strategies. Your mind wanders to uncharted waters and as you try to fight the tides, you sink deeper and deeper. Your friends say "I'm depressed" when they feel just a little upset. You think to yourself "if only they knew what I'm going through". At night, you cry yourself to sleep. Then you wake up in the middle of the night and start sweating, your heart starts palpitating. The reason? Unknown. It's always unknown...and that's the scariest part. Nothing cheers you up anymore so you plaster on a fake smile for the crowd and probably for your own old self's sake. You've lost yourself, again. As you look for the 8 year old girl who used to smile genuinely at each and everything, you realize that she isn't lost in the crowd; she's actually disappeared. And probably forever.

-a lonely confused teen

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